I met Heather at a time when she felt unappreciated at work and most of time felt that her boss favoured her colleagues and ignored her. From the water cooler to the lunchroom to her office she spent most of the day feeling left out out the loop.
Her work environment was beginning to feel unbearable. The emotional toll this took on Heather, didn’t leave her with much confidence to either apply for another job or finally follow her dream of studying nutrition and building a business around educating others about the healing powers of whole foods and creating a healthy lifestyle.
She attended one of my workshops and as the day went on, she shared with me how completely in love she is with her husband but notices that he she ends up feeling like his last priority. Whenever she’s tried to express how she feels, it ends up in a heated argument. Their life together seems to be stuck in this place with him feeling inundated by what she needs and Heather feeling like he’s just not there for her.
She’s read relationship books, they’ve tried marriage counselling and yet this same cycle continues. As I listen to way Heather describes her challenges in life, I can connect the sense of feeling left out at work and the ways that she feels unsupported in her marriage are a part of the same root cause.
Heather came to me feeling depleted, as if starving for love and acceptance from those she shared her life with. The essential missing piece was that Heather hadn’t yet realized was that she’s was first in line to deny herself the very love and acceptance she was longing for.
As Heather and I worked together, we discovered how the imprinting from her childhood experiences created this sense of not-enoughness and now it was all she could feel in the most important parts of her life.
Heather was surprised to learn about how feeling like she didn’t fit in at work and that she wasn’t receiving the love she longed for in marriage were connected to her dad’s alcoholism and mom’s anger and overwhelm with the family dynamics. Heather discovered how her earliest experiences and family history were connected to her self worth, her sense of not belonging and gave a deep understanding of her self and those she shared her life with.
Where there used to be a lot of arguments when she wasn’t getting her needs met, now she realizes that she’s able to meet her own needs in more meaningful ways. This intentional step, took so much pressure off the marriage and now they live in connected partnership instead of needing her husband to say the right things or fill that inner place that really only Heather can fill.
As she began to practice self care each morning, with the commitment to give to herself before giving to others, supported her in creating more awareness of her own needs. After attending the workshop, she noticed her ability to know what was a Yes or No inside her body had increased to become a trusted guide to create her ideal life.
Heather’s courage grew and she decided to follow her passion and starting studying nutrition with the intention of opening her own business within a year. With the clarity of what was important to her, she was able to make the decisions that had her feel like she was in the driver’s seat of her own life – perhaps for the first time. With her newly created ability to to give to herself, Heather felt less affected by what her co-workers or boss thought. Living with a new sense of freedom from other’s opinions of her gave her so much more energy at the end of each day to follow the part of her life that really lit her up.
I believe we are all meant to do great things unless we deal with our family patterns and early experiences we remain stuck in the same old patterns. The style of work I am privileged to work with each day support the release of a lot of the deep material within that we can usually ignore in the busyness of our everyday.