The Hidden Cost of People-Pleasing

You’re the one everyone counts on.

The fixer.

The reliable one.

The person who always says yes.

And on the surface, that might seem like a good thing. After all, it feels good to help. It feels good to be needed.

Until it gets to a place when being there for everyone else leave you feeling drained, unseen, and quietly resentful?

If your value depends on what you can do for others, you’re not just giving—you’re negotiating your self-worth. And that comes at a cost.

"People pleasers determine their self-worth by what they can do for others." Braiker

And that’s the trap.

When your value is tied to what you do rather than who you are, you become an emotional vending machine constantly dispensing support, validation, and solutions.

What happens when you’re running on empty?

Are you giving because it feels good? Or because you don’t know who you are without it?

Because for a lot of us (hello, people-pleasers), helping isn’t just a nice thing we do—it’s how we earn our place in the world.

When “Being Needed” Becomes Your Personality

When your self-worth is based on what you can do for others, you’re not just helping.

You’re outsourcing your value.

• You start saying yes when you mean no.

• You ignore your own exhaustion because “they need me.”

• You resent the people you’re bending over backward for.

• You forget what you even want because your whole identity is wrapped up in being there for everyone you care about.

You end up trading your own well-being for approval.

People-pleasing is often rooted in childhood experiences where love and acceptance felt conditional. Somewhere along the way, you learned that your value came from what you did for others, not from who you are.

There’s a difference between giving from a full cup and giving yourself away to be sure everyone loves you.

If your giving comes with exhaustion, resentment, or a silent hope that maybe now they’ll appreciate you ...that’s a cycle that will never give you what you truly need.

And deep down, you know it.

So How Do You Stop?

1. Take One Step Back. Before you say yes, pause. Ask yourself: Do I actually want to do this? Or do I feel obligated?
   

2. Get Comfortable Disappointing People. If you’ve trained everyone to expect you to show up no matter what, your first “no” is gonna feel like writing with your non-dominant hand. Do it anyway.

   
   

3. Use Your Imagination. Try this: Imagine not being “the helper.” Who are you then? What do you like? What do you need?
   

4. Reconsidering Love. Real connection doesn’t come from proving your worth—it comes from being seen and accepted, just as you are.
   

You’re More Than What You Do

Your people will still love you, even if you stop being their emotional first responder.

And if they don’t? Well… that’s useful information.

You don’t have to prove your worth by over-giving, over-doing, or over-sacrificing. The people who truly care about you will love you for who you are—not for how much you do.

If you're ready to stop over-giving, set boundaries without guilt, and finally put yourself first, Tools to Stop People-Pleasing is your next step. Series begins Friday, April 18th.

The Tools to Stop People Pleasing