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7 Warning Signs of Divorce -Insights from a Relationship Expert {Part 1}

Johanna Lynn

In my nearly 20 years as a relationship expert, I’ve gotten pretty good at spotting the more nuanced signs that a couple might be on the brink of divorce.


Today, I wanted to share with you the top 3 things I've learned about marriage from being a couples therapist, inspired by real cases (with names changed for privacy).

{Stay tuned next week for the final 4 warning signs of divorce}


  1. The Complaint-Shutdown Cycle


Andrew and Sheila exemplified this perfectly. They sat on opposite ends of the couch, stiff and full of disdain, tossing insults like confetti.


Andrew: "All you do is complain. The longer I'm with you, the more you remind me of my mother.


Sheila, visibly wounded by this comment, looked down at her hands, defeated.

As therapy progressed, Sheila admitted, "I don't recognize myself when I'm fighting with Andrew. We both deserve better than this.”


As we started our second session, Sheila revealed a painful truth: "My mom was always complaining about my dad, and I swore I'd never be like her." 


This realization was our first breakthrough. By understanding how her past influenced her present, Sheila began to challenge her own reactive patterns. 


Through our work together Andrew learned to express his frustrations without resorting to personal attacks. 


Together, they developed healthier communication strategies, fostering a more respectful and loving relationship.


2. Once Bitten, Twice Shy


Carol's unfounded jealousy was a constant threat to her marriage to Dave. Her father's infidelity had left deep scars, making it impossible for her to trust Dave, despite his reassurance.


Dave shared with frustration, “I can’t even go out to play pool with the guys without getting into all again with Carol”


Carol blushes and shares “I start imagining the worst. If he's late, I can't seem to help myself, picturing him with another woman.”


I gently state “It sounds like you're reliving your father's betrayal.”


Carol nods with tears streaming down her cheeks. “I guess I am.”


Our work together helped Carol understand the roots of her insecurity. She learned to differentiate between her past experiences and her current relationship.


Dave learned not to take the accusations personally, realizing how deeply connected they were to Carol’s childhood and continued to reassure Carol without feeling blamed or triggered.


Their journey was challenging, yet by addressing the underlying issues, they were able to rebuild trust.


3. Silent Shutdown


Jane and Mike had drifted apart, their conversations reduced to mundane exchanges about chores and errands. The spark was gone, replaced by resentment, each holding a different version of the relationship in their own mind.


In one session, Mike shared, "I feel like I'm living with a roommate, not a partner.”


Jane nodded "I feel so lonely. It's like I’m living on my own. We don’t even talk to each other."


During our time together, it emerged that both had grown up in emotionally distant families. They had learned to suppress their feelings and that not saying anything was a much better option than creating conflict.


With gentle encouragement, they began to share their hurts and vulnerabilities. This newfound openness created a sense of intimacy they hadn't experienced in years.


They are now learning how to speak openly about issues that used to stay "under the rug" sometimes for years.


Next week's newsletter will continue with the next 4 things I've learned about marriage from being a couples therapist, inspired by real cases. 


In the meantime, if you see yourself in any of these stories, know that it’s never too late to seek help. You can transform your relationship and reclaim your peace of mind.


Book a complimentary conversation to explore personalized strategies enjoying a more fulfilling relationship. 



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