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  • Johanna Lynn

How to Know if IT Will Work Before Your Heart Takes the Leap

Updated: Apr 16

What if in the very early stages of connecting with someone you are attracted to, you could find out the chances of that relationship succeeding?  Before you get too invested.  Before you get your heart broken … again.

Once you can discover what guides you at the unconscious level and what shapes who you are attracted to, you then have a much better chance of avoiding painful patterns or pitfalls en route to getting the love you want.

Would you be surprised to discover that how you show up in your relationships is partly from your own experiences, but mostly from the experiences of your parents and grandparents? What lives in your family tree influences more than you may have realized about how you connect and relate in your most intimate relationships.

The unconscious body relationship you have with your mom shows up when you bond and determines how you navigate separations.  Your body offers you so many clues, at every step of the way, related to how you feel when your first meet the potential “one” or many of the first’s we navigate as love evolves.

  1. Have you ever noticed what happens in your body when your relationship takes that next step into deeper commitment?

  2. What happens inside when it feels like your partner wants more from you than you feel capable of giving?

  3. What sensations are triggered when your date is late or tells you they are going away on a vacation or business trip?

The body never lies.  It’s giving us valuable information throughout each day.  As you learn how to decipher what the sensations of your body are trying to communicate, you can use this information like a compass that leads you in the direction of healthy partnerships.

Your parents’ marriage, the known and unknown, shapes the way we relate to our intimate partner.

Its easy to imagine that if you observed your parents arguing all the time, or noticed the blatant disrespect they had with each other, that will influence how you navigate conflict in relationships. We learn from our same-sex parent how to relate to a partner. If healthy, respectful loving was not shown at home, it can be hard to experience that for yourself.

If you became more of a friend to one of your parents than living as their child, this can change the way you relate in your loving connections.  You may have taken sides with your mom, empathizing with her and in doing so lost a place for your dad in your heart.  This leads you now to see all men through the eyes your mom saw your dad through all those years ago.

When you are able to recognize, that in a good way, what went on between your parents is actually none of your business – it frees you to simply be their child.  Instead of holding onto an inner responsibility that you feel you have to fix or support whatever is going on for them.  The practice becomes opening a place in your body, to receive their unconditional love, in whatever ways they show it.

There are many invisible dynamics at play all going on behind the scenes of your first date.  If it had to come down to just one thing to take note of, it would most certainly be this:

The best man to choose is one who admires his father.  When he tells you stories about his dad, he’s often cast in the role of hero as the story unfolds.  If you are looking for a man who will remain committed to your relationship, it’s much more likely to happen if he is bonded with his father.

The best woman to choose is one who is capable of receiving from her mom, a woman who truly enjoys ease in her connection with her mother.  When she describes her relationship with her parents, you get the clear sense that she feels grateful and loving towards her parents.

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