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  • Johanna Lynn

Why Many Marriages Fizzle Out and What You Can Do About It

Updated: May 10

Many people think love is what happens when you first meet.

Where did we ever get this idea of love at 1st sight?

Was it love’s first kiss to awaken the princess that we watched as a little girl that set up the idea of love at 1st sight?

Then as adults this love at 1st sight promise is found in romance novels along with romantic comedy movies to keep this concept alive.

Many clients come into my office and say:

“I’m just not IN love anymore” or

“I just don’t feel heard or supported by my spouse, like I used to”

Usually the unresolved issues that we push under the rug keep tempers short and tensions running high. Once a long term relationship lives long enough with what has built up over the years, we’re living in reaction mode.

Sometimes the very things that brought you together lay on the floor beside his dirty socks.

For those who have been in a long term relationship perhaps a number of years have passed and we have “forgotten” that irresistible pull into love when we met our spouse.

Have you ever considered the power of love at 2ND sight?  

What if it’s even more important than the attraction we feel when love connects two people together? Love at 2nd sight adds strength and depth to any long term relationship. Think of it like the oxygen mask for marriage.

The repetitive challenges that you bump up against with your spouse are often connected to what you felt you needed more of as a child.

Your spouse can show you what is still a live wire in your body that may need more tender loving attention.

For example, as a child if your mom was critical and it felt like whatever you did wasn’t ever quite enough or your dad was a loving father but spent 90% of his time at work. In your loving relationships it is highly likely that you will marry a workaholic or a partner who is highly critical.

Our parents are our 1st love in life and this is how our love imprint plays out.

Imagine looking in your partner’s eyes for a moment with the realization that you are not easy and our relationship is fertile ground for me to grow and even heal.

Living with the awareness that with your partner, you become more. More self-aware, more self-accepting with this willingness to discover so much more about yourself than if you were single.

Each day a feeling of I choose you.  I love you. I become more than what I could be without you.  This offers security even when there are conflicts. This commitment creates space for growth in that what is difficult in the relationship ends up making the couple more committed along with more awareness within the relationship as the years add up.

That click that happens at love at 1st sight, is often when we met someone that links us to a partner where we can sort out the unresolved issues with our parents. This is where love and 2nd site becomes so essential.

In your relationship can you actively seek out for ways to fall in love over and over again? Place your attention on this for the next few months and see how you can expand the love in your relationship.

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